Blue Mood

Cried so many times since I came back to shah alam after chinese new year.

Is my hormone got any problem? Is there any hormone controlling tear?

I am not a girl who likes to cry, but I felt helpless and cried for how many time, I couldn't count.

Fear is hovering above me.

I am afraid, but I do not know what I am afraid of.

loneliness? tests? I do not know.

I cried and cried, thinking a lot of nonsense.

It's seem like my mind went haywire, it was uncontrollably gone to a negative way.

Thank you friends, especially Opener ChuiYee as well as Geok San,

thanks for accompanying me when i was down.

thanks for supporting me when i was in doubt.

thanks for giving me advises when i need them.

thanks for let me know that you are always be with me.

When I found nowhere to lean on,

friends, you lend me your shoulders...

When I found nobody to express my feeling,

friends, you are always willing to listen to me...

Most importantly,

You guys did not turn away from me when I was moody,

You guys did not laugh at me when I was crying...

Thanks friends...sincerely...

你们都是我的最爱，舍不得~2010农历新年

匆匆的一聚，大家又各分东西哦。

错，应该说“各分南北”比较适合。

新年眨眼间就过去了，时间溜得真是快。

要待何时，我们才能够再次相聚？

要待何时，我们才能够闲话家常？

跟你们一起度过的每一分每一秒，我都珍惜着。

我知道，记忆是不能够拷贝的，只能放在脑袋里慢慢品尝。

酸甜苦辣，我们都一起走过，重要的是，我们从未把当中的任何一个遗忘。

一想起我们都从中学毕业，

一想起我们一年里只有那么短暂的时间相聚，

我不得不怀疑，我们以后相聚一起的时光，会不会变得更加短暂？

我抱怨着，为什么彼咯没有学院大学？

我咕哝着，为什么大家不能继续在一起升学？

为什么偏偏就有那么一句格言说：“天下无不散的宴席”？

朋友阿，我真的舍不得你们。。。

我不晓得，我们以后会是如何，

但愿，我们经常聚一聚，

但愿，我们珍惜彼此。。。

但愿，我们的友谊永固。。。

孔明灯续续升天，带着我们的希望，传达到天际，炫耀着我们之间的友谊。。。

Give or Keep

I have considered for so many days...give or keep?
Give, because I want to make you pleased, let you know that there is still someone care about you.
Keep, because I do not have enough courage.
I regret, and I am now considering a lot of things.
I am afraid if I would make a wrong decision again.

Before this, I do not know how to appreciate.
All I know is complaining, and blaming that you do not care about me.
However, now I just realize that, I was the one that do not care about you.
You would think of me whenever there is something interesting.
But I, I would only make you disappointed, asking you to care about me more.
I just know to ask for something, but I never think of giving.

“Happiness is not how much you get; it is how much you give”
Finally I understand this.
But it's been too late……

CNY without you

Chinese New Year passed in a blink of eyes. This CNY, there were many things happening.
Something happens until you can’t celebrate this CNY with us.
Finally I found out, you are important to me.
I know that I just used to be with you.
And I know I will overcome loneliness during this CNY as well as valentine day.
There is no any medicine I can take to cure this condition happened in me.
Only “TIME” could help me working this out.

You went back so early, until I do not have any opportunity to talk with you.
I believe that we should have had conservation.
But things happened too sudden.
Is this our fate?

Are you mad with me?
I am really sorry to what I have done to you.
Would you forgive me?

1st Speaking Test

There was a Speaking Test this morning.


Although I know that I did not do well in the test, at least I tried to talk.


However, I think that i was talking nonsense.


Indeed I forgot all the answers I gave after I came out from the room.There was no any point in my talking.


But then, I still feel relieved now, because there is no need to think of English thing anymore.


The next speaking test will not be in this semester anymore. (say YEAH...)




Let me describe the condition in this morning.


Sinhuey, GuatMin, Wendy, MeiChi and I were the only five 10M12 students who sat for the speaking test today.


Ya, we all were like, very nervous in the morning, especially when GuatMin (who is the 1st one entering the speaking test room) started sitting for the test.


We kept looking at our watches, asking each other and ourselves why she went in for so long time. We were worrying if the questions would be too hard for us. Of course, there was no one answering.




As I was the last one among five students as I state just now, I was a bit impatient, as I have to wait such long. The fear had grown in my heart. The anxiety had planted in my mind. When it was Wendy's turn(who is the third one), I felt much more nervous. So I sang to myself. I forgot what I sang, I just know that I sang out of tone. LOL. Not only this, I kept talking to SinHuey and MeiChi so that I could relieve a bit. I talked about the funny thing that I had done when I took my car driving test. Suddenly, I remembered that I fail that driving test because of I was too relieving myself. Therefore, I stopped talking.





Unexpectedly, one of my friends cried out. She had been just coming out from the examination room. She was stressed, I think, or perhaps this was the way she relieves. We do not know. This actually would make me becoming more nervous, however, as I was so busy being a tissue supplier (so that her tears can be wiped away), I did not feel that much stressed anymore.




The digit in my digital watch changed. Without knowing how many minutes passed, MeiChi went in and went out several minutes later. Now was my turn. I knocked the door and I went in. When I wanted to greet the examiner good morning, she suddenly threw out a question. Being shocked, I answered in broken English. But that was still OK, since the test haven't started. Subsequently, she asked me to sit before I asked for her permission to have a seat. The only thing the came out from my mouth was "Thank you".





Initially, my performance was quite well since the first few questions were easy. However, as the questions went harder and being too long with a stranger(which I fear the most), My performance got worse. The facial expression appearing on the examiner's face did frighten me a lot. The only thing in my mind then was to answer all the questions as fast as possible and then rush out from the room (of course I didn't ).






Finally, the test came to the end. After advising me to do more practice on speaking, she allowed me to leave.


Wah, such a horrible test.

Monotonous study life

I have been in Shah Alam for 3 weeks in 2010...The life over here is quite monotonous.

studying, eating, sleeping, and then repeat again, studying, eating, sleeping...

But sincerely, I have become more hardworking compared to last year.

My roommate also agree with the above statement. And it is good to hear that.

If my parents see this, may be they will think:" since when does my daughter becomes so hardworking? We cant believe that she does studying everyday."

Yes, I did study everyday. However, i still unsure whether I can do well in my coming test. I do not have confidence in myself. Although these 3 weeks we are not very busy, or may be somebody will think that the previous weeks are too free, i still felt very stressed.

I just know I got one or more problems, but I do not know what the question(s) is/are. In addition, there was a problem between me and one of my friend last week, making me more moody and frustrated. And thus, my study always ended up with thinking nonsense.

And now, I am quite sure that one of the thing that get me into trouble is English speaking. There will be a IELTS speaking test or coursework next week for all alm10 students. It is a super hard thing for me because my english speaking is very terrible. I can understand English, but it is hard for me to converse or give idea in English. Therefore, before this, when people chatted in English, I was always very quiet. I used to listen to them only but not giving my own opinion. I dare not to speak in English, and my vocabulary is very limited. I know I should have practiced English frequently, but I just do not know what to say. My mind was like stuck when others request me to speak in English. However, I know I should overcome it as soon as possible and try to pick up courage to speak in English. Ya, I got to.

Before I end my post, I would like to share a interesting thing.

When the word "stressed" is reversed, it becomes "desserts"...

Try our best, friends.

An e-mail

received an e-mail from one of my ex-classmate in Nanyang Polytechnic.

It is about a class outing, asking me to tell Keefe when will I be free.

Unexpectedly, they sent the e-mail to me. I felt surprised, because we are not so close.

I entered the college later than them, and leave the college without informing them.

I felt alone when I studied in Singapore, feeling that I got no friends there.

So I leave the college without notice.

Perhaps I wanted to copy Xu Zhi Mo（徐志摩）

Saying that, 我悄悄地走了，真如我悄悄的来，我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩.

Now, Darcus has sent me the invitation.

I do not know, whether he wanted to send it to me,

or he sent it to me at single anchor,

although it may be more likely to be the second statement,

I feel appreciated.

I really wanna thank them, for still keeping my e-mail address.

And, Thanks for the e-mail again.

Anxiety

Fear and anxiety hovering over me.

Why am I shrouded in darkness?

Why doesn't the dawn come to my world?

I grope my way out in the haze.

I fell down, again and again.

Air becomes less and less,

Anxiety and fear have replaced it.

I feel helpless.

Every time I saw the meteor shooting across the sky,

I made a wish,

Hoping somebody coming,

Bring me escape from this place.

Licence and Travelling...

Stupid lemon, I must be stupid,

learned driving for so many days already,

I still cannot control the steering well.

Last time I nearly drove the car into drain somemore.

The uncle who teach me to drive must have taken a fright..Haha

really afraid of driving a car after this traumatic incident.

Aiyo, driving is really a hard task...

why is it so hard to drive a car?

and the motorcycle somemore,

I know I can ride a motorcycle well,

but then, i am very worrying that I am not able to pass the driving exam!

Aiyo, and the stupid driving licence,

make me cant go traveling to Thailand with my uncle's family...

I must be insane,

I rejected my cousins' invitation to go traveling with them,

but just choosing to stay in Bekok and learning driving here...

Aiyo, unexpectedly I give up this golden chance to have my 1st aeroplane ride.

T.T, i hope I wont regret...

Ya, I am still young, 

Traveling only mah, I have so much future time to travel.

Just get my car and motorcycle license first.

and then I can go traveling already,

and no need to consider this trouble anymore.

Now I just hope that I can pass the car and motorcycle license exam as fast as possible.

I hope I can pass without giving under table money.

I hope I can pass at the 1st time I go for the exam.

Ok, i know, I just have to pray...

and then, I can go traveling loh....

Hooray

End of ALM 1st semester

Finally holiday comes....That's why i have free time to update my blog.

I was suffering from insomnia for about one week, it was, really tired.

For everyday during the exam week, I finished my revision very early,

and after that I switched off the lamp, wanted to sleep.

but, I still stayed awake several hours later.

It was a very hard time for me---wanted to sleep but was unable to fall asleep.

Thankfully, I am no longer suffer this abnormal matter now.

Last Friday, the last day of our exam, as well as last day of our first semester.

I really got no mood to study at all.

All I was thinking about is how to spend my holiday well.

I wanted to go ice-skating, I wanted to watch 2012, I wanted to read a lot of books,

I wanted to do lots of things. (although some of them are still not carried out now.)

Biology paper, out last paper. It was quite hard for me.

I do not know, whether i am not confident at myself, or I really do not know to answer the questions.

but, since it was past, then, ...just let it past...haha

I went to Sunway Pyramid on saturday.

Wanted to go ice skating, I have never tried it before. 

So i was very excited in Friday night.

However, we did not go ice skating that day.

We did not watch 2012, too...it was a long long queue to buy a ticket, 

and we were not sure if we could get the ticket.

All we did are shopping and eating.

We ate really nice food that day, korean food for lunch and japanese food for dinner.

They were really nice, but, yea, they costed a lot.

I spent a lot in books.

Yea, I bought 6 books. one is for my cousin.

I have decided, I want to read as much books as possible. For what?

For no purpose, haha, may be it is just a hobby.

Going to make friend with these books....

including novels, comics.....

and reference books (although I don't really like, especially biology, but I have to)

Lastly 

I would like to wish all my friends,

to have a wonderful holiday....

and, meet you guys after 1.5 months...haha