Go on~

I am wondering, in what language I should write this post. Actually it doesn't matter either in Chinese or English I am using. May be, it is just, spontaneous? Yeah, so I write in English~

I am depressed all these few days although I try not to be so. Perhaps I am too stressed these few days, with the Biology Unit 6 Report's due date reaching. Actually I have done my report few months ago and I didn't go through it again anymore until few weeks ago. So, when I went through it again, I doubt, whether my title is interesting enough to attract examiner, or even worse, whether my report is out of the requirement needed by Edexcel? I am worried! Then, when I showed a Statistics lecturer my work, she said I should be using PMCC instead of ANOVA. Seriously? This is not what my Statistics lecturer told me before she went giving birth. I am scared. Anyway, I didn't change, I am still using ANOVA, and I wish, it will not cause me any trouble.

Then comes the part of rational and application. I have e-mailed Edexcel to ask if my title of Unit 6 is acceptable to be done, and Edexcel replied it is a good experiment to carry it out. Thus, I proceed with that title. However, when I comes to the rational part, I have no idea what my rational is, at all! So I asked for my bio lecturer's help. And after a lot of discussion with him, I have got my idea how to write rational and application. Yet, I am NOT SURE! With the due date which is 3 days later, I don't think I can change anything in my report. I have no way to turn back anymore but pray hard or harder! Lord, listen to my prayer, please.

Yea, I am super stressed now! The Edexcel A Level exam is looming on the horizon, which is 3 weeks later. Yet, I haven't started my revision. Not that I don't want to spend my time studying, it is just that, none inforemation will get into my brain and be stored in my memory if I am not in the mood of studying. I know I am stubborn in this way. Why am I keep thinking these nonsense matters yet never start to do revision! Okay, I promise myself, I will start studying hard once the study leave starts!

But, but, but...

What if I can't manage to get a flying colour result?

What if I can't manage to enter IMU?

What if I make my family and friends disappointed?

Don't you simply ask me to relax and don't worry, and saying that this is not going to happen.

It doesn't help, it never helps!

It is just making me WORSE!

What I need is mercy and encouragement from you all.

I really need you, my friend and my family being with me to go through this.

So, this is the conversation with myself.

Little Jia: Hey, what if I get a lousy result and can't enter IMU? (with my saddest expression)

JiaJia: So you've got to study hard, harder and the hardest!

Little Jia: I know, I mean what if I can't score even I have tried my best?

JiaJia: So you pray!

Little Jia: Ya, I know that, too. but what if I can't get good result even I study hard and pray super hard?

JiaJia: Do you believe in God that He always care about you and listen to your prayer?

Little Jia: I of course have faith in Him. If not, I won't be praying.

JiaJia: So you should believe in Him, because He is the almighty God.

Little Jia: I know He is almighty, but may be He wants me to receive that cup that I don't want to receive.

JiaJia: Jesus took that cup and He has completed the job that He was sent to the world to complete and get the glory that He deserves. Perhaps you should receive that cup also, so that you will get a better reward.

Little Jia: But, I want myself to score in A Level and get into IMU.

JiaJia: Don't worry, He will always give you the better thing. But, that depends on you whether you want to get what you think it is the best or you want to receive what God think it is the best to you.

Little Jia: I of course want to receive the thing that He think it is the best to me, 'cuz He never makes a mistake.

JiaJia: So you Surrender and have Faith in Him, and Obey...

Perhaps you will think that I am suffering from schizophrenia after reading this post. Don't worry, I am well with a healthy mental.

Just that, I doubt about my future...and obviously am worrying how to go on.