Fall and Faith

Haiz~~~~~~~~~~~finally~~~~

I am not sure if this is the sigh of relieved or sigh of stressed.

Anyway, IELTS examination has started. Listening, Reading and Writing parts were finished yesterday. For me, Listening is terrible, I found myself couldn’t concentrate on the recording when it was being played. I kept going blank. As a result, I estimate that I will get 7 or 8 errors in Listening. It was still okay for me before I heard people discussing about the answers. However, when I realized that most people did well in Listening, I was down, really down. Reading was just okay. Nevertheless, I have no confidence on my writing although I finished Task 1 and Task 2 essays in time.

Next week is going to be tough week for me because Speaking, which is the hardest part in my opinion, will be on next Sunday. I always get nervous when I have to speak English. I don’t know why people can speak good English although their mother language or first language is not English. And when they speak fluent English in front of me, this really gives a tremendous impact on my self-esteem. Alamak, can somebody help me? Okay, can you please at least pray for me?

Pimples keep popping up on my face. They thought they are popcorn which everyone likes meh! I think, may be my puberty has never gone to an end although I am now already 19 years old. Okay, this is an optimistic way to consult myself. I really hate the existence of genetic flow in this world. Because of this thing, when stress comes, the pimples come as well. I am really jealous with those people who have smooth cheek and forehead and chin (whole parts of face lah!). Why do their face always in good condition even if they are under tension or sleep late? Okay, never mind, at least pimples remind me that I am a daughter of my parents. (I am telling myself to appreciate what I have.)

Well, it is undeniable that time keeps going when I was depressed. The Earth still revolved around the Sun without coming to a halt although I shout at it to stop. Crying is useless. It doesn’t make any difference except for wasting my time. But, I want to ask that, is there any way to stop me from falling into the pool of this emotional tension?

Should I sing? No matter how noisy and annoying my voice is? (My housemates will find it unbearable.)

Should I dance? No matter how funny and clumsy my movement is? (I will laugh at myself even if others don’t.)
Should I talk? No matter how lame my topic is? (I wonder if the only one who gives applause to me is myself.) 
Should I sleep? No matter how many beasts appear in my dream? (It will be very scary unless the beast is Ashton Kutcher like in the Disney Cartoon The Beast and The beauty.)

So, none of these methods help me. Okay, never mind. At least, I still have another way. Pray! My Father Lord is the one who always listen to me and never turn his back on me. I know, He is always there even though He never shows Himself up physically. Hence, this moment, I am going to submit all my burdens to Him. Then, have faith and wait.

I pray, I hope, I trust.