An e-mail

received an e-mail from one of my ex-classmate in Nanyang Polytechnic.

It is about a class outing, asking me to tell Keefe when will I be free.

Unexpectedly, they sent the e-mail to me. I felt surprised, because we are not so close.

I entered the college later than them, and leave the college without informing them.

I felt alone when I studied in Singapore, feeling that I got no friends there.

So I leave the college without notice.

Perhaps I wanted to copy Xu Zhi Mo（徐志摩）

Saying that, 我悄悄地走了，真如我悄悄的来，我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩.

Now, Darcus has sent me the invitation.

I do not know, whether he wanted to send it to me,

or he sent it to me at single anchor,

although it may be more likely to be the second statement,

I feel appreciated.

I really wanna thank them, for still keeping my e-mail address.

And, Thanks for the e-mail again.

Anxiety

Fear and anxiety hovering over me.

Why am I shrouded in darkness?

Why doesn't the dawn come to my world?

I grope my way out in the haze.

I fell down, again and again.

Air becomes less and less,

Anxiety and fear have replaced it.

I feel helpless.

Every time I saw the meteor shooting across the sky,

I made a wish,

Hoping somebody coming,

Bring me escape from this place.

Licence and Travelling...

Stupid lemon, I must be stupid,

learned driving for so many days already,

I still cannot control the steering well.

Last time I nearly drove the car into drain somemore.

The uncle who teach me to drive must have taken a fright..Haha

really afraid of driving a car after this traumatic incident.

Aiyo, driving is really a hard task...

why is it so hard to drive a car?

and the motorcycle somemore,

I know I can ride a motorcycle well,

but then, i am very worrying that I am not able to pass the driving exam!

Aiyo, and the stupid driving licence,

make me cant go traveling to Thailand with my uncle's family...

I must be insane,

I rejected my cousins' invitation to go traveling with them,

but just choosing to stay in Bekok and learning driving here...

Aiyo, unexpectedly I give up this golden chance to have my 1st aeroplane ride.

T.T, i hope I wont regret...

Ya, I am still young, 

Traveling only mah, I have so much future time to travel.

Just get my car and motorcycle license first.

and then I can go traveling already,

and no need to consider this trouble anymore.

Now I just hope that I can pass the car and motorcycle license exam as fast as possible.

I hope I can pass without giving under table money.

I hope I can pass at the 1st time I go for the exam.

Ok, i know, I just have to pray...

and then, I can go traveling loh....

Hooray

End of ALM 1st semester

Finally holiday comes....That's why i have free time to update my blog.

I was suffering from insomnia for about one week, it was, really tired.

For everyday during the exam week, I finished my revision very early,

and after that I switched off the lamp, wanted to sleep.

but, I still stayed awake several hours later.

It was a very hard time for me---wanted to sleep but was unable to fall asleep.

Thankfully, I am no longer suffer this abnormal matter now.

Last Friday, the last day of our exam, as well as last day of our first semester.

I really got no mood to study at all.

All I was thinking about is how to spend my holiday well.

I wanted to go ice-skating, I wanted to watch 2012, I wanted to read a lot of books,

I wanted to do lots of things. (although some of them are still not carried out now.)

Biology paper, out last paper. It was quite hard for me.

I do not know, whether i am not confident at myself, or I really do not know to answer the questions.

but, since it was past, then, ...just let it past...haha

I went to Sunway Pyramid on saturday.

Wanted to go ice skating, I have never tried it before. 

So i was very excited in Friday night.

However, we did not go ice skating that day.

We did not watch 2012, too...it was a long long queue to buy a ticket, 

and we were not sure if we could get the ticket.

All we did are shopping and eating.

We ate really nice food that day, korean food for lunch and japanese food for dinner.

They were really nice, but, yea, they costed a lot.

I spent a lot in books.

Yea, I bought 6 books. one is for my cousin.

I have decided, I want to read as much books as possible. For what?

For no purpose, haha, may be it is just a hobby.

Going to make friend with these books....

including novels, comics.....

and reference books (although I don't really like, especially biology, but I have to)

Lastly 

I would like to wish all my friends,

to have a wonderful holiday....

and, meet you guys after 1.5 months...haha

Stay in Wangsa Maju

I set up the alarm at 9.30 am, but I woke up before that.

may be i was too excited to meet my ex-schoolfriends...

Ya, I was going to go to KL to meet them, and have some fun with them.

The coming exam has brought me unexpectable stresses.

I need a rest, for a longer journey after this, so, here i go and relieve my burden.

My friends asked me to go Yam Cha with them once they know i am in Wangsa Maju.

via making a call, via sms, via facebook.

although they are not my close friends, they care about me.

I felt honored by them (my secondary school seniors, my classmates, my cousin...haha)

Last night, I had have yam cha 3 rounds, with different people.

1st is with my cousin....Fish...

2nd is with my friends....and her friends...

3rd is with my secondary school seniors....They are not staying in Wangsa Maju, but they come just to having a talk with me.

Thanks friends. I really appreciate it.

Oh, forgot someone, someone who gives me chocolates and junk food when i was hungry  yesterday.

Although these food are unhelthy, but never mind....still thank you....haha

After spending a day in Wangsa Maju, 

I really feel more comfortable...

no longer so stressed....

no longer think so negatively....

because, i know, my friends are with me, all the time.

i worry if i refuse to go back Shah Alam. haha....

I really appreciate you all, friends..........

Struggling in the volcano of exam and friends

Wah, didnt upload my status for a month.

impressed by my own determination to not approach laptop.

nolah, actually i was too too too busy for the past few weeks.

It was a bio topic test last week and i was struggling.

I was very stressed bcuz i worried if i fail to answer to question as though topic test 1.

I studied and studied, until my soul nearly collapses.

I wanted to cry, but tears did not roll down, even one drop.

I used to be strong, used to manage the stress well,

but now, i found myself hard to face it.

May be, it is because the change of environment.

May be, it is because i miss my ex-schoolmates very much.

May be, it is because my family stays far from me.

I miss them, all the time.

The people surrounding me here always told me that,

"that is devil in their mind, do not believe them too deep."

Why do we think this world so negatively?

Why do we make it so complex?

Why don't we make the world full of happiness and simple?

Why don't we purify our heart?

Friends, don't tell me about the negative things anymore.

I just want to be a positive thinker.

Ya, I know I am too naive and too optimistic,

but at least this makes me happy, at least this make me free from troubles.

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17

Ya, friends are important in my life.

i hope i am be with you when you are in trouble.

i hope you'll remember me when you are in trouble.

i hope i can offer my help when you are in trouble.

However, friends, do you know?

one word from your mouth can easily hurt me.

one action of you would make a wound on my heart.

Friends, I just want to treat you with my best.

but why, you do not appreciate it?

why, you still think of the people here is devil?

why, you still think that people here have a devil plan before they do a thing?

why, you still complain although you get the grace from God to study here?

why, you never feel satisfied?

what is a friend???

I worry if i turn to be a selfish and devil girl.

I worry if i chase you (friends) out from my heart.

I just want to try my best to bring you (friends) happy.

and this is the only way i can be happy, with the people around me live happily.

Mooncake Festival 2009

"Lemon is gonna be a hardworking girl!"

I keep saying to myself like this for this few days.

with statistic quiz and chemistry test looming on the horizon, i know i should study harder,

to compensate my lousy results of last test!

ok, since it is too stressed for me to talk about study, 

let us talk about other things.

Last Thursday, my MMS friend had asked me to join their basketball team.

yea, i was so shy to join since i know nobody except Madhiah there,

and my attire looked like pyjamas!

But, I still went there. 

I am so happy when i touched the ball, since i didn't play basketball for a long time.

I tried to shoot 3-points ball, well, seemed like I had no talent in shooting at all. Haha,

We are going to take part in a basketball match tomorrow, yup, so nervous now.

just now, when i just signed in to my msn, 

I was so shocked as i got a message from Connie, who is my ex-classmate in my previous college in Singapore.

She apologized for neglecting me when i was studying there.

I was, really really touched.

Even though her apology seems belated, but still, i was touched!

she is still remembering me, thank you Connie. indeed thank you!

Erm, i enjoy my life here, and don't worry about me,

yet i still hope that you all still remember me, 

and let me to stay in you all's memory forever.

yea, today is mooncake festival, or known as mid-autumn festival,

i m going to hang out with my friends in intec!

to celebrate our chinese traditional festival ---- mooncake festival!!!

Come on, let's have mooncake and a wonderful and warm tea time under the witness of the full moon.

Hari Raya Break 2009

really enjoyed this raya one week break.

we went waterfall, went melacca, segamat, went singapore and jb.

of cuz, tired as well, but nvm, it is worthwhile, haha.

eileen came to johor with my friends, and stayed in my house for a week.

this few days, i kept bringing her here and there, may be she will blame me bcuz she doesn't have time to study. haha

on sunday, we went to a wedding party.

and met Rachel there. (Rachel's cousin get married)

we had wine and beer there, as well as delicious food. (Aiyo, get weight again!)

on monday, we went to waterfall, with Yaw, Fish, Shi Ni, Oki, Big Ear, San, Halin.

of cuz, we went there by motorcycles, haha.

as it was hari raya holiday, there were many visitors there, so we went to higher place.

unfortunately, we stayed there for less than 30 minutes, as it was raining...haiz

then we ran down to the "kolam besar" there and then rode motorcycle back in the rain.

was it romantic? or dangerous? haha

After that, we went chaah having our dinner. wow!!!

on tuesday, we went to Yaw's house to watch movies.

i had have watching 3 movies there. but they just watched 2.

One of the movies is Tsunami, yea, it is really awesome.

I was so touched when a guy in movie sacrifice himself to save another guy whom he dun know.

I asked my friends, will you do what he did if you are in the same situation with him?

they didn answer. yup, it is difficult to answer!

on wednesday, we went to melacca with Yaw.

as Yaw have to go to school in the morning, so Cedric brought us to visit around with his Saga.

We went jonker, red house, A famosa, beach, newton foodcourt, so on.

eileen and i also bought many souvenirs there. haha

the funny thing was, eileen bought so many souvenirs of RM1.50 until they cost RM90++. eileen is so geng. haha

on thursday, we went back from melacca to segamat. 

and i had my hair cut there. good bye, my 60cm long hair.

on friday, we went to singapore and jb,

we met my "dad" and "grass" and "coffee bean", "fish", "vivian" there.

they were both my colleagues when i was working in singapore.

we had our lunch in takashimaya ajitei.

my dad treated us the lunch, thx daddy. haha

the food is so nice!

after that, my grass-charles...treated us some dessert in plaza singapore.

felt that i live in happiness very much. thx friends.

and thx bean bcuz came to meet us from sembawang. haha

in the evening, we went back to cs which is the well known shopping centre of jb.

there, i met many ex-schoolmates--long wei, zi shan, xiao si...so on

very happy when having talk with them.

In night, we watched movie before we came back to Bekok.

I dun know what the title of the movie is, 

I just wanted to go into the cinema as my friend said that he want to treat me popcorn.

The movie was a scary movie although the ending is quite romantic.

After having fun for these few days, i am really very tired....

but, i didn regret of travelling.

Thanks to God and my friends, expecially OPEN, my dear

Wow, time seems flying

two weeks passed so fast, there is one more week to go before going back to Bekok.

Really look forward to see my dear dear secondary schoolmates.

Okay, let's talk about what i have done last two week.

There was a chemistry topic test in the first week after independence day.

Yes, i did score well for it... but it was not enough.

I cannot forgive myself to do the careless mistakes.

I feel like my eyes were blocked during the test, haiz.

But never mind. it passed already.

It will be better if I put more efforts next time, i think.

For the second week, I always went to library after class,

so that i would not fall asleep when studying alone in room.

I really scared that I would not score well for the next topic test, so i must appreciate even a second.

I know, I should not sleep so frequently, so I tried hard, to sms with people, to chat with people when I was studying.

Friends, may be I did disturb you, I apologize here, and also thank to those who sms with me. sincerely.

The most terrible things I faced for the last week was...

my pendrive was spoiled. There were so many important things inside it: IELTS slide shows file, Ethics assignments, so on.

I needed to redo all of these works again.

That was all of sudden. I really want to cry. 

but I know, I have to be strong. I would not let my tears rolling down from my eyes. 

So, I pretended, pretended to be strong, pretended that I don not mind on redoing those works at all.

People always said girls have the right to cry, but may be I am lacking of female hormones.

I found myself hard to cry. It was a little bit tension when you cannot cry to release your intangible burdens.

However, thanks to all of my friends: Dina, Siao Ting, Cedric (and may be also others that i haven mentioned here) who always be with me.

I appreciate all of you very much, sincerely.

Of course, beside this, sins also make me stressed. 

I don't know. sometimes I would talk about others' bad. yup, i love gossiping.

I felt guilty after I did so. So I pray again and again to ask for His forgiveness.

I know, He will definitely forgive me as long as I am going to change my this attitude.

I always prayed and said that I would not do this again, I would not do that again,

but still, I redid those sins that I dislike!!! Okay, now, i am going to change myself bit by bit.

Please inform me if you find me doing a mistake. Thanks.

The most wonderful matter for these past two weeks was going to Campus Alive.

I love it so much. I felt comfortable every time i went there.

There, I would forget all my troubles,I don't know, may be God was guiding me. 

I love the worship time most. 

It was great when you saw people on stage trying their best to perform the best worship for God.

It was great when you saw people around you enjoying in the melodies although some of them are non-christians.

It was greater when you saw a non-christian trying to learn a church song and sing with us. 

So, the thing that we all cannot deny is, Father Lord is always with us, Holy Spirit is always with us, Jesus Christ is always with us.

I was so touched, so excited at that time .

I seldom pray when I worship. Normally I would only pray after worship, but...

I really longed to have a conversation with God at that time, so I prayed,

to thank Him, to ask for His grace so that we all can be encountered by Him.

Before I listened to the talk during last CA, 

I hated politics very much. I think that it is dirty and what...selfish...

so I was never interested in politic talk, or a talk by a politician. 

However, i don't know why, I was so concentrate when she gave her talk, didnt feel boring at all.

yup, our countries development depends on us generation.

our countries will disrupt if we generation don't put an effort.

and the words most influencing me is

"you are not a chinese, you are not a malay, you are not an Indian, you are not a Iban, you are not a whatever, you are a malaysian."

Yes, All of us are Malaysians, all of us belong to Malaysia. Malaysia belongs to all of us.

so, we must unite. Sure, we must unite!!! for one Malaysia.

let's make a better change for Malaysia.

Before that, let's shout "I love Malaysia" for 3 times like what Tunku Abdul Rahman shouted "Merdeka" out for 3 times!!!

Besides that, I wanna mention here that it was so sweet when my dear "OPEN" said she wanna steal all of my unhappy memories so that i am always be happy.

Really thank you, OPEN.

Smile, please...

Very down is my mood this week after knowing my results...

I was very disappointed by the results.

I didnt score well for the bio test as well as the statistics.

I really want to get rid of this bad mood...

I feel like I didn't know what had happened around me...

Somebody waved to me, but i didn't notice...

Somebody asked me a question, but i just smiled at them and never answered them.

Why did i become so weird?

What wrong with me???

I have tried to control my emo again and again,trying to not recall the result thing, but i failed to do...

as people say, u must not escape from something that you dont want it be, 

but try to cope with it.

Ok, i picked up my courage to confront with the facts...

not only the things that related to my results, got other things oso.

Now, i become better after read bible and get some advise from it.

I am a lucky girl, as i have many friends that concern me....as well as listen to my blaming.

I found that i dislike english more and more...

I dun like to talk with whoever speak english with me, really dun like.

of cuz, except for those who cannot speak mandarin...

I feel that, y u want to speak english with me as u know i can speak mandarin as you are also good in mandarin.

I felt like they are showing off. Really dun like this feeling.

But, well, i know i think too much !!!

I know i should smile always...

I recall a message which i received form my ex-classmate...

In the message, it said,

U should always smile although you are in bad mood, or unhappy...

bcuz u'll even dun know somebody loves your smile,

may be he or may be she.

may be u know him/her, may be not.

may be he/she is just right beside you...

he/she will be unhappy oso when they see u unhappy.

So, let's smile for others...

Shakespeare:

To the world u may be one person but to one person u may be the world